Everyone loves Word Problems. You know, like:
Two snakes leave Burbank in separate cars. The green tree snake drives a 2005 Prius with seven gyroscopic wheels and XM satellite radio. The midget faded rattler drives a late-model Lincoln Town Car that runs on bio-diesel and hate. The eastbound 134 is closed due to a firestorm and the I-5 is covered in sewage thanks to a conservation mishap by Friends of the L.A. River. Which snake gets 35% off the laser vaginal rejuvenation procedure?
My word problem has to do with the fantastic tale of the Ron Paul Blimp, which I'll be riding next week from North Carolina to Washington, D.C., barring terrible ice storms and/or terrorist shenanigans.
But first I'm flying to Norfolk, on a standard passenger jet, and must then rent a car to drive to the airship launch site, an hour south of Norfolk, and then I'll supposedly be dropped off at the Ron Paul Blimp Rally in D.C., but then I'm a four-hour drive from my car and suitcase and then another hour back north to the airport, where my flight home leaves two days after I arrive by airship in Washington. What the hell? There must be a way to make this work without hiring a bunch of drivers and gofers and manservants.
Whether my personal journey ends in triumph or tears, giant blimps used for political stunts are guaranteed to be awesome, and no political campaign can match the antics of the Dr. Congressman Ron Paul loyalists. If you're in North Carolina or Virginia or D.C. next week at this time, stand outside and wave a glow-in-the-dark condom or something, in daylight. Whether I see you or not, I'll be thinking of how a giant, nearly-silent Ron Paul Airship will be as weird as a UFO to the hundreds of thousands of people who will soon see the thing.
Decades ago, the National Lampoon ran some bizarre fake ad for a Barry Goldwater Weather Balloon. For unknown reasons, it is one of the things I frequently recall. (In fact, it seems I'm the only person on the entire Internet who remembers the dumb gag at all.)
The ad's pitch was, of course, "In your heart, you know it's a good weather balloon" The illustration was a simple line drawing of a common (non-weather) balloon wearing a pair of thick-framed Barry Goldwater glasses. That was the joke.