KEN LAYNE

Nick Denton put something funny in my drink, on New Year's Eve, and now I'm somehow the editor of Wonkette, where I used to work as co-editor or "West Coast Systems Manager" or whatever.

And now it's 10:13 p.m and I'm looking at editorial budget spreadsheets, hooray.

But 2008 is supposed to be kind of a big deal, for politics, so the fun will be had. It's going to take me a few weeks to get things in order, but you are free to look at Wonkette right away.

Or, maybe, the part about Wonkette is true.

It's a good thing every reporter in the world went to Iowa to watch Iowans stand around in some school cafeterias and eat pie and then shuffle over a few steps to stand by the John Edwards sign.

And now everybody loves Barry Obama, who has given us all hope that every rich Harvard-educated U.S. senator has a chance to be president someday.

I wasn't there, thank god, but the New Wonkette(TM) team covered it anyway, from D.C. and wherever I live. Also, is Al Gore the secret winner of the Iowa thing?!

Well, not "happy" .... More like, "weirdly perplexed." Why is ancient Reagan-era propagandist Peggy Noonan reading Wonkette?

And now that whatever state has just had its primary, it's time to give up on these Republican Losers, and Democrat Losers, and please welcome our latest guy who will buy his way into the White House, Mike Bloomberg!

Here's a Tragic Tale of Two Craigslist Ads for the same vacant tract home in the Mojave Desert:

$1750 / 4br - 4 bedroom 3 bath
Reply to: hous-485275949@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-20, 9:00PM PST

Lovely 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house for rent. Front yard with porch and big back yard, 2 car garage, 4 car driveway. Beautiful 15 foot high ceilings, big bay windows and stained glass greet you in main entrance living room with a gorgeous balcony overlooking the space. Tons of room! Relax in front of your real fireplace in the den. Walk through the french doors and into your back yard patio. A perfect sized dining room leads into the open concept kitchen. Your Master bedroom has the convinience of a bathroom ensuit and walk in closet. Central air and heating, laundry hookups, covectional oven, built in dishwasher. Fenced for dogs in the back. Great area for kids. We will consider section 8. Option to own as well.

And on the same day -- just three minutes earlier -- this ad was posted for the same house:

$1000 / 4br - Film location Available NOW
Reply to: hous-485273936@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-20, 8:57PM PST

Any type of filming is fine with owner, doesn't matter if it's Disney or Deep Throat. The house sits on a large lot, 8000 square feet, has a tall wooden fence all around the back for added privacy. The driveway holds 4 cars easily and has a two car garage. The street is large and wide, plenty of parking always and not busy at all. The interior is all redone, just painted weeks ago. Massive front room, leads into kitchen and dining room, open concept great for big equipment. Den has a fireplace, one bathroom is on the main level. Upstairs boasts two more bathrooms, one is in the master bedroom ensuit and has a sexy round tub perfect for romantic shoots. Two of the other three bedrooms are standard size with regular closets, the last one has a balcony overlooking the front living room. The back yard has large deck awning, 20X30 feet. Tons of room in backyard, probably 80 X 40 feet. House is empty, owner is fine with you bringing in what you need for set decorating.

The real-estate situation in those Mojave boom towns over Cajon Pass, it's not so great.

(For this picture, I searched Google Images for "boarded up stucco house desert" and this was the first result. Jesus.)

Got the horrifying news the other day that my dear friend Tim Blair -- Australian journalist, neo-con scum, truly talented writer -- was sick with a little something known as The Cancer.

To cheer him up, I sent email from the Democratic debate in Las Vegas. "It could be worse," I think I wrote. "You could getting a personal lecture from Hillary Clinton."

Anyway, the Terrible Ass Robots have done their tour of duty within Blair's Bowels, and it turns out he has only one horrible cancer tumor in his guts. If you've spent any time with Tim, this will make a certain amount of sense: No common earthly cancer has much chance against the alcohol-impregnated tissue of Tim Blair.

Tim has terrible surgery ahead of him, and a cruel recovery that may well limit his booze intake. But he may survive, anyway. And he just wrote the funniest stuff about being struck with a potentially fatal disease since Warren Zevon got his death sentence.

Go read it. Watch what happens when the punchline character is someone you completely expect to be there, while not expecting that character to be there at all. Good luck, Tim. You are my evil twin from the wrong side of the planet, and I will not tolerate your early demise. (Also we deposited some money somewhere. Where is that money? Also, that bar filled with heroin addicts and backpacker-hookers at King's Cross .... What happened there?)

This is not a "fun place," not for me. The only gambling I like is playing cards with my friends, outside in the summertime. I do not see shows, play slots, or require "bottle service" at a casino disco.

But this is where the Nevada Caucus was settled, so I drove to this horrible stucco/neon ghetto again. The drive is stunning, of course, but I feel actual pain when I pass that Kelbaker Road exit. Just a half hour from the gruesome shuffle of the Vegas-to-LA I-15 Safety Corridor, there's the biggest Joshua Tree forest in the world, massive sand dunes, crazy Mitchell Caverns, the restored old Kelso Train Depot, desert bighorn sheep, desert tortoises, vast emptiness and beauty.

Ah well, next time. This time, I got to sit in the corner of a massive ballroom in the Wynn Casino watching 300 culinary union employees figure out the absurdities of a caucus.

And now it's time for the AOL Political Machine "Ken Layne's Outrage" column version of the Nevada Caucus, hooray!

Nevada Dispatch: This Whole Casino Caucus Thing Is Completely Absurd.

Heroic doctors cut away all of Tim Blair's terrible cancer, leaving only this part.