KEN LAYNE

What is this on AOL? It's called the "Hot Seat," and it's where all your beloved political comedians such as Andrew Sullivan, Mark Halperin, Arianna Huffington and, uh, Ken Layne ask some goofy political question, and you the home viewer can answer it, for free!

It's uncomfortable when your crazy-fun conspiracy theory becomes True. Remember that "Bushes seeking exile in Paraguay" story with the land grab and the Moonies and Jenna making secret trips and a bunch of other weird crap that sounds like a clumsy parody of a Graham Greene comedy?

Maybe it's all 100% truth.

Maybe.

That's the important question we ask over at the AOL Ken Layne's Outrage thing today. Dr. Paul may be gone from the Presidential Race, but his supporters' weird YouTube tributes will exist forever. Even now, the Space Aliens are watching these things and just getting so high and laughing.

What else? There have been another few thousand primary and caucus contests, which is why all I do is post stuff about Barack and Hillary, day after day, forever.

Chapter 42 of Why Wingnuts Must Fear Muslim Obama: His Christian church had an angry black pastor who was angry about racism and slavery! That's racist!

And as soon as I posted that goddamned thing, I put on the snowshoes and headed into the majestic March snowstorm, walked right down the drive and into the foothills. Nothing but jackrabbit and bird tracks. Then the sun came out and the snow melted quick. Was hardly enough left for snowshoeing by the time I got back an hour or so later.

The new Great Depression is going to be great. I've got a Top Ten list of depression benefits over at the AOL Political Machine.

Also: This biography of Benjamin Franklin is outrageously good (so far), even if you think you don't want to read a very fat book about Ben Franklin. It's funny as hell, too. (So far.)

The Shitbird was on a roll tonight.

"Listen, right now they're out there, crawling over your daughters, impregnating them with their dirty sperm." He laughed low and weird. "Oh yeah, your own daughters. Where are they tonight? Out with their friends, you believe that? No wonder you're sitting at home wide awake in the middle of the night. You're unemployed."

The canned music rose up, some kind of dingbat waltz, military drums, rousing violins. Cheap filler music. The Call of the Shitbird.

Commercials: Buy land in the desert, only $1,000 an acre, miles from anywhere (and electricity). No money down. Herbal supplement stops the urge to smoke or fart. Heat your home with common garbage, free kit explains everything. Make hundreds on the Internet, start today, $19.95 shipping and handling.

The music again, and the Shitbird's cough.

"Big show tonight, big big show tonight. Tonight's the turning point. You need to get off your rear end and STOP THIS INVASION. Government won't do it. Government's IN ON IT. You want to stop it, you stop it by your own hands, using your precious freedoms as set --"

Gurgling, more coughing, sound of skull crashing on the console.

The Shitbird was right. You could even hear those space monsters spitting out his teeth.

"Instead, what began as a promising collaboration between two men bent on burnishing their reformist credentials collapsed after barely a week. The McCain-Obama relationship came undone amid charges and countercharges, all aired publicly two years ago in an exchange of stark and angry letters." -- Washington Post, March 31, 2008.

Read the shocking correspondence here, at the AOL Political Machine.