KEN LAYNE

KEN LAYNE tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1 2008-05-06T07:23:10Z Movable Type 3.31 I Saw A Tortoise(s) tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.86 2008-05-06T07:15:44Z 2008-05-06T07:23:10Z

This is one of two Desert Tortoises that I found eating wildflowers last weekend while I wandered around Mojave National Preserve for a couple of fine days. Despite traveling and camping and hiking through the North American deserts for 25 years -- and in this particular part of the East Mojave long before it became a "National Preserve" -- this was the first time I'd seen the Desert Tortoise in the wild. (Other than squished on the roadside.) I had some Inside Information from the enviro-socialists.]]> Did You Forget To Read Achewood? tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.85 2008-05-03T05:56:22Z 2008-05-03T06:11:40Z

Has Achewood really been doing this strange & beautiful art work for six+ years? Yes, Yes It Can. I'm about to disconnect the Internet forever (three days) so instead of writing my AOL column (I'M TRYING), I was catching up...

Has Achewood really been doing this strange & beautiful art work for six+ years? Yes, Yes It Can. I'm about to disconnect the Internet forever (three days) so instead of writing my AOL column (I'M TRYING), I was catching up with Achewood because I like to read a week at a time, sort of like how if I watch a TV show, I watch the entire three or four years on DVD in three nights. Or at least I used to do that, when the adults were occasionally allowed to watch the TV now and again, at night, after dinner, maybe to see a Netflix everyone was talking about in November. I mean, start here with the beginning of the Roast Beef Greeting Card Story. Then follow the very basic arrow things atop the comic: "->" means "go forward," etc.]]> Oh Look It's Time For The New KL AOL Column tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.84 2008-04-28T00:20:37Z 2008-04-28T00:18:58Z

Thank you, Jeebus, for sending some of Your UFOs to Phoenix again last week, so I had something funny to write about this week for my AOL column, because You know what, Jesus? I don't think I can pay attention to Hillary vs. Barack ever again. Your Pal, KL ]]> Yes We Can: Dream Sticker Becomes Reality tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.83 2008-04-25T04:59:43Z 2008-04-28T00:20:05Z

So I've had this beautiful dream for the past six or seven years: Combine the two stupidest copyright-infringing redneck window-sticker trends of the 21st Century -- Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes vulgarly pissing on some enemy car brand, and...

So I've had this beautiful dream for the past six or seven years: Combine the two stupidest copyright-infringing redneck window-sticker trends of the 21st Century -- Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes vulgarly pissing on some enemy car brand, and Calvin of Calvin & Hobbes stupidly praying at the foot of a giant crucifix -- into one perfect union. You know, Calvin pissing on the Cross. Well, I kind of mentioned this idea in public today, in the comments of a Wonkette post, and next thing you know a funny commenter put together this here image. This, my friends, is America. Embrace it. Print it out. Glue it on your neighbor's pickup ... the one with the confederate flag license plate frame.]]> A Good Blog tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.82 2008-04-22T06:36:16Z 2008-04-22T06:46:32Z

Don't care much for weblogs, but Ben Sullivan just introduced me to this one, by the folk/punk/rock musician and songwriter Peter Case. It's a rolling, roiling history of California punk, European travels, mini-biographies of songwriters and groups, interesting commentary about politics & rock 'n roll, plus lots of Los Angeles night-time prose. Long ago, in the 1980s, one of my old bands played a few bills with Peter Case, not long after his Plimsouls days. Jesus Christ, Ronald Reagan was president back then. And he still is ....]]> What Am I Doing On The LAT Home Page? tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.81 2008-04-15T06:09:03Z 2008-04-15T06:16:49Z

Did I kill a celebrity? Impregnate Kobe Bryant? Solve the Environment? No. But I did have a scatter-brained IM talk with my friend Tony Pierce, who runs the Los Angeles Times' many many new blogs. This Q&A we did, it's a funny thing, with the usual funny pictures of his friends that Tony always collects, just in case. And with crucial assists from BlogAds and Gawker, there might just be some fun to be had, during this Terrible Election Year of Our Lord. Or, there might be sorrow and doom. But probably not. I mean, Jesus, this is the 21st Century. People are supposed to run their own Printing Presses at this point, right?]]> What the Hell? tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.80 2008-04-14T18:55:21Z 2008-04-14T19:05:33Z

Yes, I'm still editor of Wonkette. Even though Wonkette has been sold. To, uhm, me. Me and some people with money, I mean!...

Yes, I'm still editor of Wonkette. Even though Wonkette has been sold. To, uhm, me. Me and some people with money, I mean!]]> Condi and McCain For President of Outer Space! tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.79 2008-04-07T05:59:21Z 2008-04-07T05:58:29Z

Oh guess who wants to pretend to be vice president now after seven years of pretending to be Secretary of State or National Security Adviser or whatever? That's right, America's fanciest diplomat, Condi Rice! John McCain, of course, doesn't even know who she is -- after all, she's only 50-something years old. John McCain is only cognizant of people born during the Great Depression, of 1893. Lo and behold, my new AOL Political Machine column: McCain & Condi, Great At Losing Wars.]]> McCain & Obama: Their Angry Correspondence tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.78 2008-03-31T21:54:43Z 2008-03-31T21:53:56Z

"Instead, what began as a promising collaboration between two men bent on burnishing their reformist credentials collapsed after barely a week. The McCain-Obama relationship came undone amid charges and countercharges, all aired publicly two years ago in an exchange of stark and angry letters." -- Washington Post, March 31, 2008. Read the shocking correspondence here, at the AOL Political Machine.]]> Weeknights, Nine To One tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.77 2008-03-25T03:42:29Z 2008-03-25T03:40:31Z

The Shitbird was on a roll tonight. "Listen, right now they're out there, crawling over your daughters, impregnating them with their dirty sperm." He laughed low and weird. "Oh yeah, your own daughters. Where are they tonight? Out with their friends, you believe that? No wonder you're sitting at home wide awake in the middle of the night. You're unemployed." The canned music rose up, some kind of dingbat waltz, military drums, rousing violins. Cheap filler music. The Call of the Shitbird. Commercials: Buy land in the desert, only $1,000 an acre, miles from anywhere (and electricity). No money down. Herbal supplement stops the urge to smoke or fart. Heat your home with common garbage, free kit explains everything. Make hundreds on the Internet, start today, $19.95 shipping and handling. The music again, and the Shitbird's cough. "Big show tonight, big big show tonight. Tonight's the turning point. You need to get off your rear end and STOP THIS INVASION. Government won't do it. Government's IN ON IT. You want to stop it, you stop it by your own hands, using your precious freedoms as set --" Gurgling, more coughing, sound of skull crashing on the console. The Shitbird was right. You could even hear those space monsters spitting out his teeth.]]> Best Depression Ever! tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.76 2008-03-24T00:47:55Z 2008-03-24T00:45:21Z

The new Great Depression is going to be great. I've got a Top Ten list of depression benefits over at the AOL Political Machine. Also: This biography of Benjamin Franklin is outrageously good (so far), even if you think you don't want to read a very fat book about Ben Franklin. It's funny as hell, too. (So far.)]]> Obama Must Be Racist Because His Pastor Complained About Racism! tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.74 2008-03-16T02:32:45Z 2008-03-16T04:12:27Z

Chapter 42 of Why Wingnuts Must Fear Muslim Obama: His Christian church had an angry black pastor who was angry about racism and slavery! That's racist! And as soon as I posted that goddamned thing, I put on the snowshoes...

Chapter 42 of Why Wingnuts Must Fear Muslim Obama: His Christian church had an angry black pastor who was angry about racism and slavery! That's racist! And as soon as I posted that goddamned thing, I put on the snowshoes and headed into the majestic March snowstorm, walked right down the drive and into the foothills. Nothing but jackrabbit and bird tracks. Then the sun came out and the snow melted quick. Was hardly enough left for snowshoeing by the time I got back an hour or so later.]]> Which Ron Paul Video Is The Worst? tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.72 2008-03-08T22:59:24Z 2008-03-08T23:10:03Z

That's the important question we ask over at the AOL Ken Layne's Outrage thing today. Dr. Paul may be gone from the Presidential Race, but his supporters' weird YouTube tributes will exist forever. Even now, the Space Aliens are watching these things and just getting so high and laughing. What else? There have been another few thousand primary and caucus contests, which is why all I do is post stuff about Barack and Hillary, day after day, forever.]]> The Bushes And The Moons tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.71 2008-03-03T04:20:15Z 2008-03-03T04:24:47Z

It's uncomfortable when your crazy-fun conspiracy theory becomes True. Remember that "Bushes seeking exile in Paraguay" story with the land grab and the Moonies and Jenna making secret trips and a bunch of other weird crap that sounds like a clumsy parody of a Graham Greene comedy? Maybe it's all 100% truth. Maybe.]]> It's So Hot In The Hot Seat tag:kenlayne.com,2008://1.70 2008-03-02T20:03:22Z 2008-03-02T20:12:31Z

What is this on AOL? It's called the "Hot Seat," and it's where all your beloved political comedians such as Andrew Sullivan, Mark Halperin, Arianna Huffington and, uh, Ken Layne ask some goofy political question, and you the home...